He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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