About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
