I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She even gives head with a lisp.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
