I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize