he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I still have a little drunk in my system
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
