How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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