the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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