This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
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Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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