You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dicks are not precious.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
