i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize