did you get engaged???
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Buhtt sex?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
