found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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