hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
