Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
