Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
