fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
