I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
