I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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