I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
