omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
