Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
