As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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