There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
