whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
