There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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