i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
