i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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