Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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