i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
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Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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