Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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