I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
