One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
