omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Houston, we have a squirter
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
