he shaved USA in his pubs
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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