we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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