God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
