Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
