I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
