no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
