i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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