I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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