dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
