Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
