I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Still dying that you shit outside
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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