she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
