She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
