it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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