he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
