I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
