does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
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Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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