i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer