I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme