Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
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is this the sara with the beer cane?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman