at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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