I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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