Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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