i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
