i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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