She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
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I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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