And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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