my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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