dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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