so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
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I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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