OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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