If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
