Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
