ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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