So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
