I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
