Your mouth is God's brothel.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
