remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
