Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
