Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
