we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
