I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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