but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
