apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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