if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
