I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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