Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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