ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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