make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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