just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
